Voices in my Head

To the things I may look random to others and most likely no one is to understand why I what I do.

When I get bored I would stare on far off sky or most of the times an empty wall. It's a life confined within the walls of the house, a classroom, and ofcourse an office.

Confined within these wall and rules...  I stare in a far away place deep inside my mind and enter a world of my own. It's not just a world but rather it is made of multiple worlds.... some are very like this one with people very much like the people I meet everyday with friends exactly as I see them but with situation and happenings staged very differently. Minus the insecurity, embarrassment and filled with more fiery feelings much like a movie where at some point of time people are forced to say their true feelings.... something that rarely happens in real life. another is a world of complete fantasy a world filled with magic, wonders and ofcourse opposing forces of good and evil. I don't like a world filled with only one because I always believe that both are necessary for the world..... that is why both is made that is what makes the world interesting. It's what makes all the worlds interesting.

Back to the question why do I do the most random things at the most random times.... it only meant one thing it means i have drifted off in one of my worlds without anyone around me noticing... sometimes some of the actions in the other world I take to this one.... in the world inside my head a friend who is not beside me challenged me to do one thing and ofcourse I would do them in this world. One would think I'm insane however I don't think it's so bad... sometimes these random things lets me excel these random things noticed by the others are amazed by what I have done.... I don't think much of it but for some reason I have gained respect and acknowledgement for the things that a voice in my head told me to do....

I wonder if psychologist will tell me that it is wrong, I wonder if they will tell me I'm losing my sanity, or maybe it's my way of being creative... I hold a brain that is capable of so much as many other have told me... however for some reason there's something everything everybody can do that I cannot. For the longest time I have observed everyone around me and still I am clueless of what I have to do... I cannot have friends that share everything with me... If I ask they will tell ofcourse but how do you become someone that they will run to in times of trouble... a friend who they will think is reliable... This is something I had wished for and no matter how much I have changed in the past 5 years from a girl who don't have friends or refuses to talk to people to a friendly and warm person that they see me to be..... for some reason this is one thing that I cannot seem to have...

I'm sure many who knows me would be surprised that I would write some as depressing as this... however as I write this things I still wonder how long can I keep them.... will I lose them like the other I lost just for being who I am...

I grew up like most did... but for some reason I still have no idea who I am... maybe the real me is hiding within the people in my dreams... I sometimes wonder is she scared... Is she happy.. does she feel fulfilled or are both of us still lost in this big world.... I wonder will she ever tell me what she wants to do... or will I continue hearing an echo of the words I once heard in the Television... "Just be yourself and you'll be fine" but I have always wondered how can I be myself if I dont know who I am.

Star-crossed lovers - Chapter 1 - the Meeting

What is a star?

If look at the sky they are the lights that twinkle across the pitch black sky

If you read a book of science they are a ball of fire burning in a far away universe

If you read through story's and fairy tales they may be a portal to another universe, a god of the other world or maybe a guide for those who are lost, a window to the future and of course my favorite a sign of life and love that was lost.These are but the many definition of the stars we see above.

But why do I ask you say? I wish to share to you this story I have... of a young man and woman who fell in love but was never meant to be... they have met and loved but the stars above wont let it be.

One there was a girl who lived alone in her world. She was ignorant of love until one fateful day she met "the one".

Her name is Asteria a kind timid girl who has a love for art and music but never to people who creates them. Asteria loves to go to a meadow where other girls play. She watches the other girls from afar and everyday she wonders how can she join the laughter and fun. 

Days pass as she silently watch but one day a girl that goes by Flora appeared to her side. "Come play with us" Flora said "You will surely have fun". Asteria looks at Flora as she offered her hand. Flora thought to herself "I've always wanted to join them but I'm not sure how, I wonder if they will like me or leave me in the sun." As Asteria wondered to herself she heard a peculiar music. Played by the children of the nearby town. She was amazed by the music and all her worries went away she accepted Flora's invitation and went to the meadows and play. 

When she finally got to the meadow a pretty young man caught her attention. A man with long blonde hair, eyes fierce with an angelic smile. She asked Flora about this young man and flora said " you'd better not fall in love with that man, for he is the prince of the neighboring town and has a strict family.  But Flora's warning was given a little too late for Asteria's heart has already fallen. 

Asteria was frantic to see this young man again however it is not so easy for he lives in the neighboring country when this young man visits the meadow she can only see him from afar and Asteria has no means to visit the next town. So Asteria waits patiently everyday until the day comes when she can watch the prince play. Asteria awed by the prince's music, her mouth could only speak about the beauty and talent of the prince.  

One Day, Flora asked Asteria to help out in the town, a gathering will happen in a few moons and the prince was invited to come. Asteria ofcourse was very ecstatic as she can finally meet the prince who she had fallen for. 

The moons have passed and finally it's the night of the gathering. Asteria has dressed up with the best she have and ofcourse all for a chance to meet the Prince of the neighboring town. However, many also dressed in the best that they have because you see Asteria was not the only one. Yes, many hearts has fallen for the prince's beauty and talent. Asteria was surprised by this... for she thought she could never compete.

Asteria moved back from the party and headed to quiet corner. Asteria has stared at the stars and said "I wish i could be the one". then suddenly a beautiful voice said " the one for what?" Asteria surprised by this she looked the figure that uttered this beautiful voice to her shock it was the voice of the prince whom she had fallen for. 

Christmas Dream

Christmas is a day of celebration,
but what is there to celebrate when...
YOU are ALONE

People pass by you like they always do
Nobody really looks up and thinks of you

Christmas is a time of giving
But we only give to those we need to give
when do we ever stop and look at strangers
an old man in the sidewalk you ignore everyday
a child that begs for food in the street
or the janitor in your office you see everyday

Do we really think it's the day of giving
when we only give to those we are needed to give!

Has the season of giving long past and gone?
is it now just another forgotten tradition?
Why do really Celebrate Christmas day?

Is it because of the birth of christ? a Pagan Holiday or simply.....
Because it's a norm in the society that we celebrate the Christmas Day
I wonder if the world has forgotten the true meaning of the Season of giving.