Voices in my Head

To the things I may look random to others and most likely no one is to understand why I what I do.

When I get bored I would stare on far off sky or most of the times an empty wall. It's a life confined within the walls of the house, a classroom, and ofcourse an office.

Confined within these wall and rules...  I stare in a far away place deep inside my mind and enter a world of my own. It's not just a world but rather it is made of multiple worlds.... some are very like this one with people very much like the people I meet everyday with friends exactly as I see them but with situation and happenings staged very differently. Minus the insecurity, embarrassment and filled with more fiery feelings much like a movie where at some point of time people are forced to say their true feelings.... something that rarely happens in real life. another is a world of complete fantasy a world filled with magic, wonders and ofcourse opposing forces of good and evil. I don't like a world filled with only one because I always believe that both are necessary for the world..... that is why both is made that is what makes the world interesting. It's what makes all the worlds interesting.

Back to the question why do I do the most random things at the most random times.... it only meant one thing it means i have drifted off in one of my worlds without anyone around me noticing... sometimes some of the actions in the other world I take to this one.... in the world inside my head a friend who is not beside me challenged me to do one thing and ofcourse I would do them in this world. One would think I'm insane however I don't think it's so bad... sometimes these random things lets me excel these random things noticed by the others are amazed by what I have done.... I don't think much of it but for some reason I have gained respect and acknowledgement for the things that a voice in my head told me to do....

I wonder if psychologist will tell me that it is wrong, I wonder if they will tell me I'm losing my sanity, or maybe it's my way of being creative... I hold a brain that is capable of so much as many other have told me... however for some reason there's something everything everybody can do that I cannot. For the longest time I have observed everyone around me and still I am clueless of what I have to do... I cannot have friends that share everything with me... If I ask they will tell ofcourse but how do you become someone that they will run to in times of trouble... a friend who they will think is reliable... This is something I had wished for and no matter how much I have changed in the past 5 years from a girl who don't have friends or refuses to talk to people to a friendly and warm person that they see me to be..... for some reason this is one thing that I cannot seem to have...

I'm sure many who knows me would be surprised that I would write some as depressing as this... however as I write this things I still wonder how long can I keep them.... will I lose them like the other I lost just for being who I am...

I grew up like most did... but for some reason I still have no idea who I am... maybe the real me is hiding within the people in my dreams... I sometimes wonder is she scared... Is she happy.. does she feel fulfilled or are both of us still lost in this big world.... I wonder will she ever tell me what she wants to do... or will I continue hearing an echo of the words I once heard in the Television... "Just be yourself and you'll be fine" but I have always wondered how can I be myself if I dont know who I am.

Star-crossed lovers - Chapter 1 - the Meeting

What is a star?

If look at the sky they are the lights that twinkle across the pitch black sky

If you read a book of science they are a ball of fire burning in a far away universe

If you read through story's and fairy tales they may be a portal to another universe, a god of the other world or maybe a guide for those who are lost, a window to the future and of course my favorite a sign of life and love that was lost.These are but the many definition of the stars we see above.

But why do I ask you say? I wish to share to you this story I have... of a young man and woman who fell in love but was never meant to be... they have met and loved but the stars above wont let it be.

One there was a girl who lived alone in her world. She was ignorant of love until one fateful day she met "the one".

Her name is Asteria a kind timid girl who has a love for art and music but never to people who creates them. Asteria loves to go to a meadow where other girls play. She watches the other girls from afar and everyday she wonders how can she join the laughter and fun. 

Days pass as she silently watch but one day a girl that goes by Flora appeared to her side. "Come play with us" Flora said "You will surely have fun". Asteria looks at Flora as she offered her hand. Flora thought to herself "I've always wanted to join them but I'm not sure how, I wonder if they will like me or leave me in the sun." As Asteria wondered to herself she heard a peculiar music. Played by the children of the nearby town. She was amazed by the music and all her worries went away she accepted Flora's invitation and went to the meadows and play. 

When she finally got to the meadow a pretty young man caught her attention. A man with long blonde hair, eyes fierce with an angelic smile. She asked Flora about this young man and flora said " you'd better not fall in love with that man, for he is the prince of the neighboring town and has a strict family.  But Flora's warning was given a little too late for Asteria's heart has already fallen. 

Asteria was frantic to see this young man again however it is not so easy for he lives in the neighboring country when this young man visits the meadow she can only see him from afar and Asteria has no means to visit the next town. So Asteria waits patiently everyday until the day comes when she can watch the prince play. Asteria awed by the prince's music, her mouth could only speak about the beauty and talent of the prince.  

One Day, Flora asked Asteria to help out in the town, a gathering will happen in a few moons and the prince was invited to come. Asteria ofcourse was very ecstatic as she can finally meet the prince who she had fallen for. 

The moons have passed and finally it's the night of the gathering. Asteria has dressed up with the best she have and ofcourse all for a chance to meet the Prince of the neighboring town. However, many also dressed in the best that they have because you see Asteria was not the only one. Yes, many hearts has fallen for the prince's beauty and talent. Asteria was surprised by this... for she thought she could never compete.

Asteria moved back from the party and headed to quiet corner. Asteria has stared at the stars and said "I wish i could be the one". then suddenly a beautiful voice said " the one for what?" Asteria surprised by this she looked the figure that uttered this beautiful voice to her shock it was the voice of the prince whom she had fallen for. 

Christmas Dream

Christmas is a day of celebration,
but what is there to celebrate when...
YOU are ALONE

People pass by you like they always do
Nobody really looks up and thinks of you

Christmas is a time of giving
But we only give to those we need to give
when do we ever stop and look at strangers
an old man in the sidewalk you ignore everyday
a child that begs for food in the street
or the janitor in your office you see everyday

Do we really think it's the day of giving
when we only give to those we are needed to give!

Has the season of giving long past and gone?
is it now just another forgotten tradition?
Why do really Celebrate Christmas day?

Is it because of the birth of christ? a Pagan Holiday or simply.....
Because it's a norm in the society that we celebrate the Christmas Day
I wonder if the world has forgotten the true meaning of the Season of giving.

寂しい。。。

I feel sad today .....

I just want to stop everything and run away......

This is one of those times i wish i was just never born to begin with....

I just feel kicked out.....

[Translations] Precog - Uchusentai:NOIZ

Precog

Music/ Lyrics: MASATO

Romaji

(subete wa) *signal for the 2nd voice i guess

SUNDAY

I dont wanna fall asleep no

MONDAY

dont wake me up, Get ready to rumble!!

TUESDAY

I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed

WEDNESDAY

tell me what is the music inside my head

THURSDAY

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

FRIDAY

Some dudes know all the right things to say

SATURDAY

You dont have to feel like a waste of space

EVERYDAY

Do you know that there's still a chance for you

"mou kore ijouwa muridane"

sou precog** wa mieteita

naita hi yo tatta utsukushiku

wakareta kimino hibi ni sachiareto

waratta hibi wa tatta utsukushiku 

waratta kimi no hibi ni sachiareto

DEADDAY

Is you right by my side, I

DEADDAY

You gotme got me gotmelike this

DEADDAY

And I dont know how can i do without

DEADDAY

I just need you! need you! need you!

"mou kore ijouwa muridane"

sou precog** wa mieteita

kimi no me ni utsuru zankoku yo

douka izure mo wasurete enu youni

mada kakono hi wo urakina nu youni

mirai wa kyou mo kimi ni kata ritsutsu

precog yo zennou no hito

subete wa omoidoori ni eiga kara

naita hi yo tatta utsukushiku

wakareta kimino hibi ni sachiareto

waratta hibi wa tatta utsukushiku 

waratta kimi no hibi ni sachiareto

(subete wa)

** precog it's actually written as yochinouriyokumono

which means precognition of a person but angel sang it as precog

so i wrote precog in the romanji

English

(everything)

SUNDAY

I dont wanna fall asleep no

MONDAY

dont wake me up, Get ready to rumble!!

TUESDAY

I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed

WEDNESDAY

tell me what is the music inside my head

THURSDAY

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

FRIDAY

Some dudes know all the right things to say

SATURDAY

You dont have to feel like a waste of space

EVERYDAY

Do you know that there's still a chance for you

"anymore is impossible"

I have seen a precognition

The days when you cried is just beautiful

I wish you good fortune as we bid farewell

The days when you laughed is just beautiful

I wish you good fortune as you laugh through the days

DEADDAY

Is you right by my side, I

DEADDAY

You gotme got me gotmelike this

DEADDAY

And I dont know how can i do without

DEADDAY

I just need you! need you! need you!

"anymore is impossible"

I have seen a precognition

Your eyes reflected cruelty

somehow I wish we both forget

As betrayal is in the past

while talkingto you , today is the future

Precog of the holy one

everything is as picture you have drawn

The days when you cried is just beautiful

I wish you good fortune as we bid farewell

The days when you laughed is just beautiful

I wish you good fortune as you laugh through the days

(subete wa)

[Translations] Parallel Mind- Uchusentai:NOIZ

Parallel Mind

Music/Lyrics: KOTARO

Romaji

boku no kako-genzai-mirai wa zen awasete

nan oku touri mo aru no kana

uchu(sora)* no kami-sama wa boku no jinsei wo

nan oku kai role playing shitandarou

douse naraba ichiban hikaru michi wo erabu yo

nakisakenda kanjou wa zenbou

egao ni tsumikonde

uchu (sora)* ni nageyou

kami-sama ni fuchi ateteshimaeba

nakiwarau hoshitachi nikaete

mirai ni nagekaishite

kagayakasu deshou

toozakatte iku sekai mo kagayaku sekai mo

kanjou shidai de subete ga kawaru michi**

70 ( nanaju ) oku mono ima wa

kawaranai saikou no kiseki de

kawari tsuzukeru saigo no kiseki

kako mo mirai mo kono genzai no maboroshi nanda

kawaranai mono  =   owaranai ima***

sono jikan ni eien ga naranderu nara

kami-sama ga kurete tool no

imeji - kotoba - kodou de

mirai wo mugen kaerarerunda 

kurushimi mo zenbou kanishimi mo zenbou

arigatotte hikari ni kieteikunda

kami-sama wa jibun wo subete wo

miru tame ni jinrei wo unda

kono sekai de boku wa iketen no kana

nakisakenda kanjou wa zenbou

egao ni tsumikonde

uchu (sora)* ni nageyou

owaru koto no nai kiseki

[ima] to iu toki sono mono ga

bokura owaranai kokoro datta

* it's kanji is uchu but read as sora so translation is as universe and not sky

**michi is path or unknown but the kanji in this song is "unknown"

*** it's never ending "now" literally

English

My past - present - future all together

I wonder how many billion ways

God of the universe in my life

How many billion times have I role played?

anyway I will pick the path that shines the most

I screamed all my emotion 

I put on a smiling face

I throw it at the sky

If god hits the boundary 

to return the stars as they smile while crying

I throw them back to the future

Don't they shine brightly

to the far off world, to the bright world

all emotions gradually changes to the unknown

Now 70 billion things

the greatest miracle is unchanged

the last miracle is ever-changing

the present is brighter than the past and the future

Things that dont change  =  Today that is never ending

at that time "foreer" lines up

the tools god gave

image - words -  actions

the future can return to eternity

all of the pain, all of the sadness

I send my gratitude to the fading light

God gave birth to the human race in order to see

I wonder if i'm living in this world

I screamed all my emotion 

I put on a smiling face

I throw it at the sky

the never ending miracle

the time called "now"

our hearts never ending

[Translations] Corona - Uchusentai:NOIZ

Corona

Lyrics/Music: YAMATO

Translated/Transcibed: Gummy, Ghel, Special participaion by Bchan

Romaji

Good Luck!

kazashita chiisana te kodoku wa high jumper

naki harashita makka no me utsumuita mama

hora rouboo no ishi iu 

[sekai wa tsumazu  itara make no geemu nee, 

sore demo anata wa nande koko ni iru no?]

koko ga owari datte dare ga ni iwaretara

akirameru koto ga dekita no kai?

mirai na itsu datte naimono nettari dane

dakara issho ni Full speed de ima* Dont Look Back Look Back!

bokura ga te ni shita youkou wa mada chiisakute 

sakatta kotoba mo tayori naku yureteta 

BLIND SUN nagai ame ga aketa kono basho wa

dare nimo ubaware naikara

Good Luck 

Kusari wo hiki aruku kowagari high jumper

hidoku yaketsukuita taiyou seoutta mama

hora robou no ishi wa iu

[ sekai wa hikyou mono habikoru no geemu nee,

sore demoanata wa nande yume wo muri no?]

fukaku tsunaidatte asahakana bokura wa

hitotsu ni nareru ki ga shichau kara 

shiroi chiisana sonote kasanete kurerya ii

kimi ni tarinai mono wa boku ga kakaete iku kara

bokura ga mayoi komunda risou no ansou de

sagashita kotae dake wa machigai nankajanai

BLIND SUN kienai kizu nokoru no basho wa

dake ni mo ubaware nai kara

tatoeba boku ga tobeta naraba 

kimi wa te o kasannete ni kureru kana

kasuka ni furueteru CORONA

nando kowasareta toshitemo 

nando demo kasane au ou

bokura o habamu sekai subete tobi koe you

BLIND SUN, merely seeing long distance 

you dont look back "gouin"** going

moon and sun if a palm is piled up 

the connected fingertip is like a corona

hanasanaide ite

koko ga owari datte dare ga ni iwaretara

akirameru koto ga dekita no kai?

mirai na itsu datte naimono nettari dane

dakara issho ni Full speed de ima* Dont Look Back Look Back!

kidzuitanda tatta hitotsu dake tsukandeta mono

saigo ni hanarenai you tsuyoku nigitta

FALLING SUN moe ochiteiku sora ga sakende iru

dare nimo mou ubawarenai you ni

bokura ga te ni shita youkou wa mada chiisakute 

sakatta kotoba mo tayori naku yureteta 

BLIND SUN nagai ame ga aketa kono basho wa

dare nimo ubaware naikara

*it's kanji is gensou but it is read as IMA.... 

**i'm not sure on this one... it translates as forcibly but it sounds like going so.. yeah be the judge...

English

A high jumper in soltitude, holding up his small hand

you kept you head low because your eyes are still red from weeping

Look the stone beside the road told me [if the world stumbles then it's a losing game right,

even so why are you here?]

If this place ends, If anyone tells you

will you be able to give up?

always in the future, Am i asking for too much?

so let's go in full speed, now don't look back look back

The sunlight in our hands are still small

ows are undependable and easily swayed

BLIND SUN the eternal rain leads to this place 

because no one will steal it away 

Good Luck

Frightened high jumper, pull the chains and walk away 

still burdened by the cruel burned sun

look the stone beside the road told me [ if the world is ran over by cowardsthen it's a losing game right

even so why do you see a dream?]

Foolish as we are deeply connected

because its the one feeling we get used to

repeatedly you offer me your white small hands

whatever you lack I will keep it for you

With a shattered ideal I am list in the crowd

only the answers i seek is notmistaken

BLIND SUN a woundleft in that place 

because no one will steal it

What if I were to fly 

once again will you offer me your hands

Corona Slightly shivered

no matter how many times I break

nomatte how many times we meet oh!

to jump over our opposing worlds 

BLIND SUN, merely seeing long distance 

you dont look back "feircely"* going

moon and sun if a palm is piled up 

the connected fingertip is like a corona

Dont let go

If this place ends, If anyonetells you

will you be able to give up?

always in the future, Am i asking for too much?

so let's go in full speed, now don't look back look back

I noticed there's only one thing to hold on to

Lastly, I will stongly ghold you and never leave you

FALLING SUN burning the sky is crying 

so that nobody can steal it

The sunlight in our hands are still small

ows are undependable and easily swayed

BLIND SUN the eternal rain leads to this place 

because no one will steal it away 

[Translations] One Order by Uchusentai:NOIZ

One Order

Music/Lyrics: KOTARO

Romaji

Boku no me ni utsuru koto no nai

Kimi wa boku no shinzou wo hibikasu

Kidohairaku* wa taezu boku ni

Sekai no utsushi dashite kurerunda

Nise mono no jiyuu ni shi ga mitsuki

Tobenai kanashimi wa zutto

Boku no mune no hashi konde

Owari no imi wo nakisakendeitanda

Niji iro no kanjou no rensa

Iro ga utsu no kawaru tabi ni

Kimi no hoshikuzu ga boku no hoho wo tsutau

Me ni utsuru sekai ga owaru toki

Mienai mugen wo chiribameta

Zetsobou wa souzou wo zehita

Kimi no nozomi datta no kai

Tatta hitotsu dake no mono no tame ni

Arayu mono ga owatteiku

Kono sekai wa niji iro no semegi au

Kanjou ga irodotta sekai

Moshi sekai ni kanashimi ga subete

Kietara sora wa tomei sugite

Taiyou mo nanohikari mo

Boku wa kitto kizukenaindarou

Te wo tsunagi kimi ga boku ni kureta

Kibou wo zetsobou wo tsurete kite

Te hanashita kanashimi wa

Kimi to boku ni tsuyosa wo tsurai danda

Sousa boku wa kimi to tomo ni

Kizuki naite wa warattari

Kimi no yume no naka wo ikiterunda

Itsuwari ya uso ga utsushita kage wa

Boku ni hoshi wo terasouto

Kimi ga sekai ni otoshiteshimata

Hirugaru sora** no kakera

Hoshisora wo kurayami shika mienai

Boku wa kanashii ikimono

Zetsobou ga kono mune no nokushita

Kizuato wa kizuki no ashiato

Akiraka ni machigatta sekai wa

Kimi to boku no imi wo hiroge

Futashika na kanjou ni saokuwase

Tashika na egao wo kureta

Boku no yowasa na kimi dake ga shiteiru

Sekai ga miseta osore de

Hontou na tsuyosatte me ni mienai

Kimi no sono mono datta

Me ni utsuru sekai ga owaru ga toki

 Mienai mugen wo chirebameta

Zetsobou wa souzou wo zeshita

Kimi no nozomi datta no kai

Kimi to boku to sekai wo tsunagu imi ga

Douka kienai youni to

Kanashimi ga kaiteiku sora wa

Hototsu ni tsunagatta sekai

*went by ear...... so not really sure on this one

**kanji is uchu reading is sora

English

My eyes reflect nothing

You are resonating in my heart

You are continuously confortingme

You gave a projected world

Clinging to fake freedom

Sadness can’t be far away

In the edge of my heart

I screamed at the meaning of the end

Rainbow colored chain of emotions

Each time the colors come and go

And your stardust stream down my cheeks

Eyes that reflected the end of the world

To encase the unseen infinity

Despair is unimaginable

Is this your wish?

For only one thing

Everything is going to end

As this rainbow colored world clash

Emotions are a colored world

If the world is filled with sadness

The transparent sky disappears

In what light does the sun shine

Surely, I won’t be hurt

Our hands connect as you gave

Hope and Despair

Sadly we released our hands

Being strong is painful

So I am with you

Wounded, you can laugh and cry

We are living inside your dream

Fabrication and lies is reflected in the shadows

You could luster the star to me

You fell to the world

Fragments of the expanding universe

The starry sky can only be seen in darkness

I am sad creature

Despair was left in my chest

Scars is a footprint of caring

The meaning of you and I

Clearly expands in the wrong world

To be idle in uncertainty

You gave me a positive smile

Only you know of my weakness

The world showed fear

The eyes cannot see real strength

In this what you mean

Eyes that reflected the end of the world

To encase the unseen infinity

Despair is unimaginable

Is this your wish?

For only one thing

Everything is going to end

As this rainbow colored world clash

Emotions are a colored world